My Spoilt Communist Son!

"My Spoilt Communist Son!"

Yup, that’s exactly what my mom mumbled to me when I insisted on changing a TV channel that was giving a very biased account of a certain event. Although she didn’t mean it in the real sense of the phrase, for me it was an indication towards a deeper trends emerging in our society.

We are all becoming anti-nationals!

Apparently I am not the only one who has taken a left turn. A casual look at some of my politically informed friends’ social media accounts paints a shocking picture of how we have all abandoned our sweet old ahem ahem (right wing) Sanskars and have joined the God-hating communists in their activities.

A friend complained to me how his criticism of some of govt’s actions and decisions has resulted in his parents ignoring all his views as mindless communist chatter. Maybe he’s been a victim of the communist nazar as well. And why not, most of these communist chaps are bongs. Aren’t bongs supposed to be the pioneers and practitioners of Black Magic in India? These communist chaps may not believe in God, but their evil ways don’t stop them from deploying Black Magic on us poor kids, turning us into their stooges.

God save us from them!

Another friend of mine has been termed as Kanhaiya Kumar because of her constant barrage of questions against the govt. Who cares if she’s just asking a question to help understand the situation better? Who cares if her questions make sense? I guess it’s because too many books that we kids read these days. No doubt she’s turned this way, she doesn’t watch big boss like everyone else, instead choosing to read a book. We all know what they say about well-read women, “they are dangerous creatures”!

I guess books are to be blamed for my behavior too. How nice and Sanskari would I have turned out, if I would have made good use of Internet like all other lads my age. I’d get history lessons on Whatsapp and all I was supposed to do was to memorise them. But no, I had to read a book and create this seed of doubt that has turned me into a doubting Thomas.

How amazing would it have been to accept that all the ills were because Nehru (No, thou shall not call him Pandit Nehru, because respecting an anti-national is also anti-national) became the first PM. No doubt his fore fathers must have been Mughals, how else can one explain his anti-national behavior. He setup those god-forsaken IITs that reject more students than it accepts. How divisive? And where has that led us to, becoming a tech support department of the world?

Instead had he setup GauShalas around the country, we would have so much milk and Ghee that there would be no poverty or hunger in India. We could also export some of that milk along with some copies of our scriptures so that the Godless West could have been cured of its non-Sanskari ways. Imagine a pot-bellied Trump in a Kurta-Pajama. How friendly! All that talk of nukes and ISIS could be solved if a Kurta-Pajama adorning Trump made a speech. We could also have stopped the Western culture from spreading here and instead created an Eastern culture would rule the world.

Ah, how proud moment would that be!

But alas, Nehru did not let that happen. But still all is not lost. If we organize a maha-yagna and burn all these fake history books that point out our mistakes (how dare they?), we may be able to purify ourselves.

We could have a Digital India wherein every achievement would be ours. Every government (be it BJP or Congress) could write a history amenable to them and this could be done without wasting paper on which previous regimes had printed their version of history. Now that’s what I call smooth transition of power which any anadi-khiladi of political science would tell you, is one of the most important factor of a democracy.

But what’s done is done. In my defense it’s the way our country functions that one is bound to become a leftist. Our thoughts are mirrored by our public life. Sadly our rules turn us into a leftist from the very first step that we take out of our homes. If that one bounced right off your (not yet) right wing head think about how the very first rule they teach you is drive to the left.

See, that’s how they program you subconsciously one at time until you are a leftist. It’s high time we change these rules imposed us by these foreigners. Don’t believe me? You are turning out to be a tough nut to crack!

Think about the most anti-left country in the world.

America you reply.

Good. Now recall their traffic rules.

Drive to the right.

Exactly! That’s where it all starts. Right at our doorsteps. So as long as we are driving to the left, we are bound to become a leftist. The only option is to change the traffic rules as soon as possible.

But that (and the Ram Mandir legislation) is not possible until we give the dear old chubby Adhyaksh Je his cherished 3/4th majority everywhere, in the Lok Sabha, the Rajya Sabha, the legistaltive assemblies, the legislative councils, the municipal boards, the school boards, the drawing boards, everywhere!

I hope they build the bullet train fast, so that I don’t have to use these god-forsaken roads that have potholes the size of Brinda Karat’s bindi. Ah, the leftist propaganda won’t leave my head. I need to read some Sanskari material so that I can come up with better one-liners that are more in sync with our culture.

I guess this is my cue to stop reading all this pacifist material online and move on to Whatsapp where mom has just sent a beautiful bouquet of flowers with a Good Morning written beautifully to the family group right after that hilarious Sardar joke. What more Sanskars can one expect on a fine morning than this!

Disclaimer:

This article is an insomniac’s handiwork who has no hard feelings for anyone. All people, places, events, dates, jokes are fictional in nature and have absolutely no relation to any real person, place, event, date, verb, adverb or whatever. Pinky Promise!

Furthermore, my mom does not use Whatsapp and I’m very grateful to God as long as he spares me of any Good Morning messages.

Finally the jokes are intended for fun only and not to offend anyone. If you’re not comfortable reading this, please close this and accept my apologies.